How to Build a Quality Life Despite Anxiety and Depression

When you suffer the symptoms of anxiety or depression nothing seems quite right. It is like the picture on the wall is slightly crooked, and your perceptions of everything are slightly skewed. Thoughts and feelings can feel muted. It may have been a very long time since you remember feeling good or being happy. To get back to that happy place requires a bit of discipline.

When I ask my clients with anxiety or depression what they do to take care of themselves, inevitably they answer "nothing." The first step to building a quality of life despite anxiety or depression is radical self care.  Taking time to do the things that make you feel pampered is so important to helping you feel better. Some clients like a bubble bath and a candle with some lovely music playing in the background, eating at the table on good china with cloth napkins, or some may prefer a massage or going for a run. Each person experiences the feeling of nurture differently, so it is important that you choose activities that speak self love to you.

Gratitude is a quick way to tune in to life and to turn around negative feelings. Studies show that focusing on gratitude develops new neural pathways in the brain. Develop gratitude for finding a parking space, or for soft tissues to blow your nose on or for a fluffy comforter on a cool evening. Be grateful for the little things and be vocal about them. I personally note three things that I am grateful for every day on Facebook. It keeps me accountable for noticing the blessings in my life. Since I started the discipline I have many friends that share in the practice. Develop a community of gratitude and it will be difficult to dwell on negativity.

People suffering with anxiety and depression may have lost touch with a sense of joy. Actively searching for things that make your soul sing is a wonderful step towards creating that life you want. I am not talking big things, but little ones, like noticing cloud shapes or the color of the changing leaves or the feel of the fall breeze on your skin. Put a hard candy in your mouth and be carried away by the taste and the sensation on your tongue. If you are constantly scanning your environment for things that bring you joy you will eventually find quality of life strung together like beads on a thread.

Using these simple interventions I have seen clients literally turn their lives around. People who came into my office only a few weeks before looking morose are almost unrecognizable after instituting these practices. Sometimes it is almost difficult to convince people to try them, but the dramatic impact that I see after a few short weeks is well worth the effort. 

If you need guidance instituting these practices or dealing with the symptoms of anxiety or depression, TRU Integrative Health and Wellness has clinicians that are equipped to help you navigate the path. See www.growhealchange.com for all the services our practice has available, or feel free to call me at 770-789-0847, email me at carolyn@growhealchange.com or see my website at www.carolyntuckertherapist.com to set up an appointment.

Forgiveness

The topic of forgiveness came up today in my work with one of my clients. This topic seems to surface alot in my work, and always carries with it a great deal of emotionality.

All of the world's major religions are rampant with messages, some subtle and others more overt, about forgiveness. The Christian religion teaches that we are "sinners," and that we must ask for God in Jesus to forgive us of our sins in order to be "saved" and to go to heaven. Christians pray the Lord's Prayer: "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." In the Jewish faith, much time is spent on the Day of Atonement and during Yom Kippur, asking for the forgiveness of those they have wronged and praying for God to forgive them their wrongs. Muslims are taught that their God is "all-forgiving," and spend time daily asking God for forgiveness. Buddhists practice release of suffering and thoughts of wrong-doing through meditation, and focus on the giving of compassion and loving kindness to others. In the Hindu faith, the god Krishna states that forgiveness is "one of the characteristics of one born for a divine state," and contrasts the virture or forgiveness with anger and pride.

For those who identify by their alignment with one of these religions, and for those who do not, it is undeniable that the pressure to forgive is a strong one in our culture. How does that pressure impact you?

Does that pressure make you more or less inclined to forgive?
Is there a part of you that feels guilty when you haven't forgiven, or like you are somehow "bad" because you have not forgiven?
Is there a part of you that resists the mandates to forgive because they feel controlling?
Is there part of you that feels like, if you forgive, you are saying that what someone did to you is okay?
Do you believe that if you forgive someone, you are no longer entitled to feel the effects of their actions?

What messages are you carrying about forgiveness? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

In loving kindness!
Katie

The Rest of the Spectrum

Generally, dissociation is thought of as occurring on a spectrum.

Last post, I talked about the way in which we all use dissociation as a way to conserve energy or take a "mental vacation." That's one end of the spectrum. I also mentioned, however, that sometimes dissociation occurs as a defense or protective mechanism in the face of a perceived or actual threat. As we move through the spectrum, we see dissociative experiences which are more in line with trauma responses.

I think it's time for another operational definition. For the sake of our conversation here, lets define trauma as "an event or experience that, at the time of occurrence, exceeds the range of that which one believe him or herself able to manage." Implied here is the fact that trauma is a subjective experience. What may be traumatic to a child might not be to an adult. What may be traumatic to someone in America may not be to someone in Afghanistan. What may be traumatic to someone with little support network or resources may not be to someone with a network of family, friends, and professional supports. What may be traumatic to me may not be to you.

So, dissociating is one way we humans have to cope with traumatic experiences- those experiences beyond that which we believe ourselves able to manage. When something happens to us that is so bad we can't manage it in it's entirety, we may dissociate. Some trauma survivors report having checked out, fuzzed out, or blacked out at the time of the trauma. Others report feeling as though they left their body and were standing beside themselves or floating above. Some report experiencing a split of self through which one part of self experienced the trauma, but not all of self. Sometimes we dissociate an aspect of our experience but not the whole experience, for example: being able to see the trauma as it unfolds, but not hear sounds, feel somatic sensations, or experience the accompanying emotions. In these cases, the dissociation is protective. It allows our experience to be managed, to be lived through, by limiting our awareness of it. In the cases of extreme or prolonged trauma, this dissociation may be so significant that entire occurrences, events, or parts of self may become unknown.

Long after a trauma has "ended," individuals may still dissociate when they are reminded of the trauma. These reminders are called triggers. They come in many different forms. Stay tuned!!!

Katie

Why We Do It

So now that we have a working definition of dissociation, and we know that we all do it, the next logical question seems to be, "why?"

Each of us uses dissociation on a frequent basis as a way to conserve energy or take a mental break. A perfect example of this, one with which most of us will be able to identify, is that of driving home. How many of you find yourself kinda zoned out on your daily drive to and from work? How many of you have ever gotten home and thought to yourself, "wow, that was quick," and not had a coherent memory of every inch of your journey?

Or here's another one. Ever found yourself in a classroom setting, a business meeting, or even a boring conversation with a friend and felt yourself kind of fuzzing out? Maybe the speaker's voice seemed like it was getting farther away. . .Maybe your vision seemed to blur almost as if you were crossing your eyes. . . Maybe you caught yourself out in "la la land" and realized that you couldn't remember what the person you were supposed to be listening to had said last. . .

These are some examples of normal, every day dissociation. After reading these, you can probably think of more from your own experience.

Other times, dissocation occurs as a defense or protective mechanism in the face of a percieved or actual threat. This type of dissociation is more closely linked with trauma. I'll talk more about that, but am going to sign off for now. I want to keep you interested in this really interesting topic! (And plus, I think long blogs are boring :) I don't want you checkin' out on me!)

Can you share any times when you have caught yourself zoning out or dissociation as a way of conserving energy or taking a mental vacation?

All the Best,
Katie

Here We Go! Some of My Thoughts on Dissociation. . .

Wow! We're going straight for the tough questions!

On July 15th, Amber wrote, "I want to know about dissociation and it's spectrum. How does it effect different people differently? What does that look like/feel like?"

Great question! And one that does not come with a quick or easy answer! The phenomenon of dissociation has been studied for decades. The scholarly literature is riddled with leading trauma therorists, therapists, and researchers discussing and debating dissociation. Does it exist? Why does it happen? How does it start? Can it be treated? Will it ever go away? How is it dissociation different from psychosis?

So let's start with the basics. In order to discuss, we need to know what it is we're talking about. What is dissociation?

For the sake of our conversation, let's define dissociation as the lack or loss of connection with a momentary reality.

Implied in our definition is that in order to have a dissociative experience, one must first be connected to reality. This connection to reality can occur as physical sensations, emotional experiences, and thought processes including orientation to time, place, person, and situation. Then, for some reason, that connection to reality is lost. This loss can be short-lived and can return within moments, hours, days, or can be more enduring as in the case of dissociated memories of past experiences.

With me so far?

Okay, so here comes the kicker: WE ALL DO IT.

Did you know you were dissociative?

To be continued. . .

This is fun!
Katie

Why Blog?

It seems like everywhere I turn lately, I run into advice to blog. Friends, colleagues, clients, books, magazines, and emails all tout the benefits of blogging for creating and maintaining a thriving practice. So, here I sit, at my computer, attempting to blog.

But what to write about?

I have some ideas of my own, but I'd rather hear from you. Knowing what you know about you and about me, what do you want to "talk" about?

What questions do you have about therapy?
What questions do you have about trauma and post-traumatic experiences?
What questions do you have about grounding? Self-care? Emotional regulation?
What questions do you have about the mind-body integration?
How could this blog be most helpful and supportive to you?

I really want to know!

All my best,
Katie